3rd Trimester: Waiting

*Note: I found this post when my son was about to turn 7 months old. I had written it in its entirety, but failed to add pictures and publish it before our little man showed up a week before the due date.

Okay, let me start by saying shit gets real in the third trimester.
All of a sudden you're two months, one month, weeks, who-knows-how-long away from meeting the baby you just spent several months of hard work growing, bonding with and thinking about. All of a sudden, you realize it's not just going to be you and your partner. Life is about to change in so many ways. It's nearly impossible to wrap your mind around all that is happening in those last months of pregnancy. Plus, you have the unknown of when the baby is arriving, so you really never know how much longer you have left.

Family of two

I spent a lot of time at the very beginning of my third trimester worried that we'd be meeting our boy sooner than expected. I experienced an unusually high amount of "Braxton Hicks" contractions, as well as some cramping. I couldn't walk, stand, bend over or do anything, really, without experiencing an uncomfortable contraction. I grew so concerned that I contacted my wonderful midwife and we set up an ultrasound to check things out. Thankfully, all was well and I could move forward without being too worried about my "active uterus." My midwife reminded me to listen to my body and to take things slow, and I knew the warning signs to look for for premature labor. I spent the rest of my third trimester with Braxton Hicks as my nearly constant companion.

(pretty much) ready for baby

One of the things I'll always remember about the third trimester is the abundance of attention that was paid to my body and my pregnant belly. Suddenly something that is so personal and private is literally thrust out into the public eye. It's painfully obvious that you're growing a human in there, and everyone wants a look. And most people need more than a look, they need to make a comment. People started guessing that I was due "any minute" at about 32 weeks, which prompted Patrick to ask me if I carried bigger than most women. The truth is, all women carry their babies differently, and most people don't have the slightest clue as to how to guess a due date. Here's a tip -- don't guess. If you're curious, just ask. Also, remember that a pregnant woman's belly can get a lot larger than you think.

Even though some people thought I was big enough to pop at "any minute", I'm happy to say people were still kind enough to pay me compliments through most of the 3rd trimester, and I made a point of accepting those compliments as gracefully as I knew how.

A couple of people told me I "didn't look pregnant from the back." Thanks?

As I hit my "30's" weeks, I tried to treat my third trimester as a time to let go of fears and anxiety. Anxiety was a constant companion throughout my pregnancy, and I was ready to let it go and move forward with confidence. Rather than remain worried about all of the what-ifs -- and there are so, so many when you're pregnant -- I wanted to fully experience every kick, and revel in my swollen belly and changing body. I tried to thank my body for all it was doing and maintain a sense of awe and wonder for what it could do. You guys, my body grew a freakin' human being! How cool is that!?

 I went to pre-natal yoga about twice a week, and worked on relaxation, visualization and meditation techniques nearly every night (per our birth class of choice, HypnoBirthing). I attended a dear friend's home birth and was able to witness the peaceful, calm and joyful experience that birth can be. I sat in my living room with a Sweetgrass crown on my head and listened to my friends and family say beautiful things about me and my birth. I told my baby and myself that we were healthy and strong, together. I told myself that I was beautiful. I ate chocolate when I wanted it, and ate healthy meals when all I wanted was a cheeseburger. I tried to find a healthy balance in my life so that I could grow and birth life as well as my body knew how.

At my baby shower with birth candles and sweetgrass crown

One day, I realized that I had been so focused on preparing for a healthy, happy birth that I had almost forgotten to prepare myself for the postpartum period. Within a couple of days, I heard a few different women say that postpartum was far more difficult than birth, and I got scared. But, I realized that other than ensuring that I have the support and help that I need after having the baby, there wasn't much I could do at the moment to help my postpartum self. I was already taking good care of myself mentally and physically, communicating with my husband and getting organized. All I could do was try to bring this baby into this world in the best way I could, and then stumble along after that, just like every other mom out there. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one learning as she goes.

Tips and Tricks for Growing a Garden while Growing a Human

When I gave you the gory details of my 1st trimester, I promised that I would tell you all about how growing a garden while growing a human went for me. It's mid June now, and I've definitely spent enough time nurturing both human and garden to tell you a little bit about my experience. I think the best way to do this is through a little "tips and tricks" list. This list ought to give you a pretty good idea of how I'm managing pregnancy in general, too. I'm doing awesome! Except when I'm not.

The following is a small compilation of what I've learned as a pregnant gardener:

1) Who cares about the garden? You're growing a freakin' human! 
The number one lesson that I learned is also a lesson that I will need to learn as a parent -- prioritize. This spring and early summer, I got about half of the work done in our yard and garden as I normally do. Weeds were allowed to grow, plants were left to fend for themselves, and I didn't plant a single new perennial. The work that was left undone drove me crazy sometimes, but I came to terms with the fact that I couldn't do it all. Plentiful Braxton Hicks contractions plagued me through my late 2nd trimester and all through my 3rd trimester, and I had to listen to my body when it was telling me to slow my roll. My pregnant body just couldn't handle a long (or even short) day of yard work anymore. I had to get over that.

Sorry garden, I'm a little busy right now.

Look how well plants grow when you leave them alone! Bonus: you can't see any weeds from this far away!

2) Find new positions for weeding and yard waste removal. 
Bending over to weed and pick up spent leaves, twigs and stems is a big no-no. I learned this after spending the entire day of the Spring Equinox weeding the garden bed, pulling up giant, leftover carrots, trimming back perennials and picking up yard debris. My back and contracting uterus were screaming at me towards the end of the day, but I refused to listen. I paid for it in pain and discomfort that night and the next few days. Now, my go-to gardening positions are kneeling, side-sitting and sitting on my gardening stool.

You're about to be in a lot of pain, girl

Not graceful, but pretty comfortable. I used cushions under my knees and my butt.

Sitting on my gardening stool was ok for a while, but it was really hard getting up and I still had to bend over my belly.

3) Do a little at a time. 
This could be part of number two, but deserves its own section. I'm a weekend warrior when it comes to yard work. I enjoy spending an entire day or two sweating it out in the yard. I don't like to come home after work and then go out to weed. Maybe this will change once I have the kid and want to get in some alone time. I've been way too tired to get anything done on a weekday after work, and I have to slow it way down on weekend. This means I get less done. See lesson number one.

Look! Giant carrots! And a naive pregnant lady who thinks she can do whatever she wants!

Proof that the garden did get planted! 

4) Find projects you can do while sitting on your butt. 
Start seeds! Plant containers! Design your dream garden! Read about how you could create your dream garden! Keep a gardening journal! The possibilities of on-your-butt work are much more abundant than you realize. A word of warning: be careful with the starting seeds project -- all these seeds turn into plants that need to be planted eventually -- and that's hard work.

I felt so accomplished after getting some seeds planted, and I barely had to move to do it!

Sitting in the sun and eating instead of doing work. Good job, mama!

5) Ask for help.
Last, but not least, ask someone who is not growing a human to help you. Asking for help is an important skill for pregnant ladies and parents to master. Again, see rule number one -- you can't do it all! Nor should you. I asked my strong, hunky husband to loosen the soil for me when I wanted to weed. And a good friend spent one gorgeous May morning helping me weed and plant the veggie garden. Their help was much appreciated and needed.

Patrick loosened up the soil so I could weed a little easier.

I'm not sure I would have been able to get the garden planted without Lauren's help!

And One Bonus Tip for you Planners (I know you're out there):
6) Plant bulbs! 
I planted bulbs about a week before we conceived our baby boy. Wow, I'm such a good planner; I just amaze myself every day with my genius. Ok, seriously though, planting bulbs had been on my "to-do" garden list for a couple of years before I finally got around to it, but I distinctly remember planting them and thinking to myself "if we conceive in the next month or two, these bulbs will be blooming right as my belly is blowing up." And what do you know? They did! And it was such a joy to see them sprouting up and welcoming the early Spring. Bulbs are extremely low-maintenance, and you can always count on them to brighten your garden (and your day) when nothing else is blooming. Oh. and you should definitely plant them even if you aren't planning on conceiving a kid -- they are worth the small amount of work and initial investment.

Mini Iris bloomed first, around mid March

Mini daffodils bloomed second, around early April

Next were tulips

Stay tuned for the much more chaotic chapter in this series, "Raising a Garden while Raising a Human: Watch me as I Struggle!"

2nd Trimester: The Golden Age

2nd trimester was the best! I walked quickly and lithely, I opened the refrigerator without dry heaving, I often went more than 30 minutes without having to pee and migraines were becoming a distant memory. My skin was clear and bright, and my pregnant double chin was only beginning to form. People told me I was "cute" and "tiny" and "glowing." The only thing I regret about my 2nd trimester is not gracefully accepting these compliments, and instead getting defensive of my future, bigger self. Instead of smiling and saying "thank you", I would ask the well-meaning person to "tell me that in 15 weeks." Or, upon hearing how "small" I looked, I would inform them "don't worry, I'll be huge in another three or four months." I wish I would have soaked up every last compliment and reveled in my little-bellied state.

24 weeks

 
I like to think that the biggest hurdle of my 2nd trimester was finding maternity jeans that actually fit. I bought three pairs of maternity jeans and all of them were terrible. It's unfortunate that I was never able to find a pair of jeans that were both long enough and didn't have that poopy-pants butt sag; but hey, it's skirt and dress weather now, so who cares. 2nd trimester life was good. Even with the constant tiredness, annoying back aches and evenings full of unexplained crying, I felt like a goddess of  life and fertility. The really hard stuff didn't start until the very end of my 2nd trimester, but we can talk about that when I give you the details on my 3rd trimester. Let's just pretend for now that the 2nd trimester is the golden age.

26 weeks pregnant and celebrating the Spring Equinox with my pregnant best friend  (notice skirt, no jeans)

Some of the best moments of my entire pregnancy happened in my 2nd trimester. I spent a week with my parents, also-pregnant sister and niece in Florida, three of my oldest friends came to visit for a weekend, and I met my niece a day after she was born. All three of these events would have been wonderful in their own right, but experiencing them while nurturing and growing our child made them priceless and unforgettable.

Hanging out on the beach with my sister and niece. 17 weeks pregnant

With my niece, then an only child. Now, she's a big sister!

A hike and a night on the town with my best hometown friends -- no big deal in the 2nd trimester!

Super sexy with my little 21-week bump

I met my newborn  niece Emma when I was nearly 25 weeks pregnant

Check out those feet!

Speaking of unforgettable, how about that 20 week ultrasound!? Holy moly was that incredible. Patrick and I got to see our baby for the first time, and we learned that we are having a son. That boy was moving so much, it took several attempts to get some decent pictures of him. We got to see his big lips, cute little nose, crossed legs and yep, his little testicles. Upon seeing those testicles for the first time, I said "Ooooh my god, what am I going to do with a boy?" I was in no way disappointed -- I already loved that boy so, so much -- but I did need to take some time to grieve the feminist flower-child daughter my intuition and dreams told me I was having.

 I took some time to grieve being a mother of a daughter and all that comes with it -- I was primed and ready to raise an empowered, body-positive girl and to be there at her wedding, birth and postpartum journey. I'm starting to feel more confident in my ability to raise a respectful, knowledgeable and empowered boy, even though I  have no clue what I'm doing. Growing up with two sisters made me feel like I was more prepared  for raising a girl. The truth is, I don't have a clue how to raise a child at all, whether it's a girl or a boy. I'll be learning as I go, and I'll be doing the best I can.

27 weeks and saying goodbye to the Goddess Months of the 2nd trimester

Let's just forget about raising a child for now. I've still got the rest of my 3rd trimester to go. And, oh yeah, that thing called "birth."

The Highs and Lows of Growing a Human: 1st Trimester Edition

For a split second, I thought I might try to compare growing a human to growing a garden. Then, that split second was over and I cringed. Nope, not gonna do it. Wouldn't be prudent. It would be worse than comparing having a dog to raising a child. Yes, there are highs and lows in gardening, and extreme highs and lows in pregnancy, but that's where I'm going to stop the comparison. This is a gardening blog, and I'm growing a human. I'll let you know how growing a garden while growing a human goes when Spring comes along. Fair? Okay. For now, let's talk about that roller-coaster ride we call life...while creating and growing life.

I thought standing in the garage with my hands full after work and puking macerated oranges into my dirty smoothie cup was going to be my big "low." But then, after three weeks of suffering through debilitating headaches and migraines, there was that night when Patrick  informed me, "you just aspirated on your own vomit" through a crack in the bathroom door. Even worse, I couldn't get out my response of "Who else's vomit would I be choking on, smart ass?" And then, right when I thought I was emerging from the pukey fog of the 1st trimester, I found myself shoveling a pile of vomit out of the bathroom sink with a paper plate (I couldn't make it to the toilet, just two feet away).

These were just a few of my 1st trimester lows.

This baby better be good.

Let's be perfectly honest, the knowledge that I was finally going to become a mother and see Patrick become a father didn't make the migraines, vomiting, nausea, constant dry heaving and extreme exhaustion any easier or more welcome. I don't care how badly you want to be a mom, feeling like complete shit every day really sucks.

Oh, and if you're not trying to keep your food down or battle an epic headache, there's the anxiety to keep you busy. Am I screwing this up? Am I doing everything I can? Will I be a good mom? Will the baby be healthy? Will I have the kind of birth I want? Every twinge, cramp or sickness spells possible trouble in the mind of most pregnant moms. Is it Listeria? Flu? Oh god, is it a miscarriage?

11 weeks

The possibility for miscarriage in the 1st trimester is high, and the main reason for anxiety during those fragile first three months. It's also why there's a socially accepted rule that you don't tell anyone you're pregnant until after week 12, when the possibility declines sharply. But I'm not that into rules, especially that one. For me personally -- and I want to make it clear that I know it's not the same for every woman -- I didn't think I'd want to go through the grief and healing process after a miscarriage in secret. I would want my closest friends and family to know what I was going through. Plus, you usually feel the worst during the 1st trimester, and somehow that's when you're not supposed to talk to anyone about it? That didn't make sense to me. Furthermore, keeping a pregnancy a secret involves a lot of lying and/or evading. I'm no good at either. Not to mention that pregnancy is a huge life event that practically begs to be blurted out any time you talk to anyone. Clearly, I'm not a fan of the "12 week rule" at all.

12+4 weeks

So, we told some select people as soon as the opportunity arose. And I'm so, so happy we did. I had a sister-in-law and a few close friends to talk/complain to and who I knew would be incredibly supportive of me if things didn't work out. Then, when I was 9 weeks along, we told my family in person over Thanksgiving. That was one of the major highs of my 1st trimester. They were thrilled.

Two more grandbabies to add to the Cross family!

I got to sit and talk pregnancy with my sister, who is due in March, and order my 1st maternity clothes with her input. I got to enjoy "baby hugs" from my sweet little niece and hear her chant "Go Emily's baby" as we sat in the living room before bedtime. When my oldest niece asked "is there a baby in your belly?" I could tell her "yes" and watch her big smile spread across her face. I still get to tell people about how my nephew said "I have a baby in my belly, too" after he heard the news.  I get to ask about what baby hand-me-downs I might get from my oldest sister. Memories like these bring me so much joy.

One night when I couldn't get back to sleep after another middle-of-the night bathroom run, I looked at Patrick beside me and felt the intense love of a mother and a wife. Before ever seeing or touching our child, I could feel the overwhelming unconditional love well up inside of me. Love for our child and my husband and our little family. I was imagining embracing our child with overflowing love, knowing that I'm its one and only mother, here to nourish, protect and teach it.
These were just a few of the 1st trimester highs.

13+5 weeks

Now, at 14 weeks, I'm starting the next chapter of my pregnancy. The nausea is abating, the headaches are getting fewer and I can sometimes manage to stay up past 9pm. We're clearing out what used to be the office and making plans for the baby's room. Now, pregnancy starts to get fun!

Bring on the Bulbs!

Want some early-spring bloomers to help you embrace warming temperatures and longer days next year? Now is the time to put on an embarrassing high school sweatshirt and plop down in the dirt with some bad-ass bulbs. Oh, and don't forget the power tool.

My bulb-planting station last weekend: two kinds off Allium bulbs, a sharp trowel, power tool and planting guide

I've been getting a lot of questions from friends about bulb planting, so this blog post will be based on all of the questions that I've heard lately. I've planted summer and fall-blooming bulbs in the spring (Gladiolas and Crocus), but this is my first experience with spring-blooming bulbs, so all of the following information comes from a lot of research and just a little bit of experience. If you've been reading my blog even a little, you should be used to this by now.

When should I plant my spring-blooming bulbs?
When low temperatures start dipping into the 40's and threaten to sink into the 30's, it's time to get your fall planting into gear. You want to get them in the ground before it freezes solid, and after the leaves start falling. The end of September and pretty much all of October are generally a good time to plant both hardy perennials and spring-blooming bulbs-- even if we have an epic snowfall or two, which is bound to happen here on the Front Range of Colorado.

What kind of conditions do bulbs like?
Depends on the type, but there is a saying that "bulbs don't like to get their feet wet", which means that they don't like to be sitting in wet conditions. Yes, that's actually a saying, and yes I'm a nerd.  It means that they don't like water-retaining, slow-draining soil like clay, and they shouldn't be planted in areas that tend to hold water, like the bottom of hills. I am trying to defy nature by planting some bulbs in both conditions this year, so I'll tell you in the Spring how that worked out for me.I figured we don't get enough rain in these parts to worry about too much moisture, but still, probably not the smartest thing I've done.

Tulips love sun, Ipheion can handle a lot of shade, Allium and Daffodils like both, and Muscari (Hyacinth) will grow pretty much anywhere you drop the bulbs. The bag of bulbs will tell you what kind of sun they need. Keep in mind that the early-spring sun conditions will be different in your garden than in mid-summer (Science!), so plan your planting accordingly.

There is no need to fertilize your bulbs when you plant them -- the bulb itself is an energy-storing device that provides plenty of food to get the bulb growing when the time comes (again, Science!).

How do I plant them? And how deep?
Power tools! You don't need an electric screwdriver to plant bulbs, but it's a lot cooler if you use one. A couple of years ago, I bought this sweet oversized-corkscrew attachment that you use in an electric screwdriver to create holes in the ground for bulbs. It makes planting bulbs a little easier, but really I just use it because it makes me feel powerful. If you aren't lucky enough to have this, just use a gardening trowel and your hands to make space for the bulb.

Most bulbs need to be planted down to 2 to 4 inches, and the large bulbs need to be planted down to 6 to 8 inches. The bag of bulbs should say right on it what it needs, but if you aren't sure, you should be safe in the 4-inch range unless you have a very large bulb.

Bulb depth planting guide.

Starting an 8-inch hole for large Allium "Mount Everest" bulbs. I dug the hole deeper with a trowel and my finger(nail)s.

As for spacing, I noticed that all of the bags would say how many bulbs to put in a square foot, not how many inches apart they should be, like regular perennials. That's because you can plant some bulbs right next to each other. Bulbs per square foot can range from 3 for large bulbs to 16 for small bulbs. Taking all of the bulbs I planted this fall into account, I'd say a safe average is 10 per square foot. The huge Allium bulbs I planted, called "Mount Everest," are a rare type of bulb that needs to be planted deep and given space.

What kind of bulbs did you plant this year?
This is a common question between gardeners, and you'll need an answer if you want to join our cool-kids club.

I planted two kinds of Tulips together:

"Cynthia"

"Little Princess"

Two kinds of Allium (a.k.a. Ornamental Onion):

"Drumstick"

"Mount Everest"

I planted two miniature species together:

Mini Iris "Harmony"

Mini Daffodil "Tete-a-Tete"

 And, I planted white Ipheion in my shady, already Hyacinth-filled flower bed by our front door:

Ipheion "Alberto Castillo"

Muscari "Grape Hyacinth"

What bulbs did you plant?

First Frost

I suffered some real late-season garden fatigue in August; I didn't really do much in the garden except come home from a week or weekend away and violently pull bindweed while cursing like a sailor. Now, we are bouncing back from our first frost and I'm all sad about the summer coming to a close. Gardening can be one hell of an emotional rollercoaster!

What it looks like when Bindweed takes over -- this can happen in a week or two if I don't fight it.

Just as I was taking the unusually wet summer and lush landscape for granted, I get reminded how short-lived our growing season really is around here. We had our last snow storm on May 11th, and our first frost on September 12th. It got down to 35 degrees on Thursday night, so I had the garden and large deck containers covered for two days. I brought all of my smaller containers inside and harvested all of my cucumbers and quite a few tomatoes. There are still a ton of green tomatoes left, so I'm holding out hope for several more to ripen on the vine, but with these short days, it's not looking good.

Tomatoes harvested early and ripening in the windowsill. Covered deck containers and garden in background.

Frosty sunflower Saturday morning

First Frost - Veronica ground cover

Covered veggie garden - I gave up on my green beans; they didn't fare well this season.

I'm getting over the disappointment of an underperforming veggie garden. My cucumbers and green beans didn't even do well! Sing it with me: "Let it go. Let it go-oooh!" At least I have tons of carrots and onions? Looking for some silver lining here. It's so strange that our wettest summer was such a disappointment in the veggie garden department. I'm guessing it's because we didn't have a lot of sun and heat to get things off to a good start in May and June. Well, my flower garden did awesome this year, and for that I can be grateful.

The sun is shining, the sky is that clear "Colorado blue" and the temperature is back up in the upper 70's. It should hold steady there for several more days, at least. I have a ton of fall planting and maintenance I want to do, so it's back to work for me!